While I wouldn't call it exactly a resolution in the New Years "I-want-to-do-this-but-will-only-try-until-March" Resolution sense, but I did resolve. Several months ago I decided to practice enjoying life. I realized somewhere in my thirties that happiness and enjoyment are very different. I can be unhappy, uncomfortable, and challenged, but still enjoy my life. I've always been good at wallowing, but enjoying unhappy and challenging moments isn't wallowing either. It's watching. It's noticing. It's just living.
I'm trying to live, live my moment.
It's hard to live your moment when you're peering over your neighbor's fence, noticing they have **real** grass, not this ugly bermuda stuff, that's feathery and soft and lush and green and -- what's that?! are those BUTTERFLIES?!
Such green grass over there, always such green grass...
My most recent "I love your grass and hate my own" moment has been about putting Kate in group childcare. Here's the setup to the story: We have two nannies who we love. They are such a blessing; women who give so much love to Kate and enjoy her so much and are for me, and employer/friend, such a joy to be around. Unfortunately, they are both students and one is leaving for the summer and the other is taking summer classes. This means we have to find another option for the summer, and likely the fall.
Daddy P and I have spent months on a childcare search. Polling neighbors and friends, reading blogs, talking to people, visiting schools... From all this work we have found two schools that we liked and that meet our very stringent yet somehow ambiguous requirements. One is Montessori, and one is play-based. Daddy P and I both agree that Kate would thrive in a Montessori environment. All she does now is open and close containers, pour and spoon things from one cup to another, and explore her environment. A born Montessori learner. She's also slow to warm up to change, and Montessori is all about the individual child's progress/comfort/movement, so I know she'd have the freedom to do things on her terms.
BUT. (Who said four letter words are the worst...that stupid three letter word is awful.)
BUT, Montessori schools are morning-based. The idea is that we are all fresher in the morning, more open for learning and exploration, and so, morning it is. This particular school does have an afternoon program as well, but they require the child attend in the morning.
Here is the grass is always greener part (I didn't forget, I swear. Thesis here we come):
I hated being a (other-imposed) SAHM. I went nuts.
But I cannot STAND the idea of not seeing Kate all day. I work afternoons. Which means, I am home mornings. Sending her to Montessori would effectively make me a full-time working mom. So do we go with the school we hands-down love and think will be best for who Kate is OR do we put her in a school that will be "fine" so that I can be home with her in the mornings? How can the same woman who fights so hard to get out the door by myself be the same one complaining about potential free time?
I feel like this boils down to one question: Am I better than a Montessori school?
A weird question, I know. And probably an exaggeration... We're at a bit of a gridlock in the house about the issue. Daddy P, who is trying hard to be sympathetic, is struggling with it because, well, he's gone all day. He can't relate to what I'm going through. I feel like we don't have many options, but I'm going to look at the next two places that we haven't seen yet -- on paper we weren't thrilled, but who knows, they could be great!
Ah, blah. So, anybody? Anybody? Who's better: Mamacita or Montessori?
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