In Search of Guest Blogger

Well dear friends, my time to blog about dear Kate is over for a while. (And I am insulted by those who assume that such a message is proof of incarceration.) I have been specifically forbidden to come near my little angel by our pediatrician due to the long list of symptoms I have that closely resemble the list for swine flu.

I am currently holed up in the bedroom, thankful we have an attached bathroom, and feeling regretful that our color choice for the walls is so...minty... I believe I have turned a corner though, as this dose of excellent writing and keen wit is proof of, and shall indeed mend. (This morning, I personally felt that was in doubt, but my dear husband, in response to my yell through the door of "I think I'm dying" told me that "Those who are dying are not prone to hyperbole." I tried to untangle that answer but alas, my brain could not solve the riddle, and I was left to fear that I was, indeed, dying.)

In this time of need, I call upon those who see my daughter to take pictures, write stories, and generally document her adorable little life so that her mother, bless her, can peek at her again. This small wish is all that is left in my poor heart.

Now that I have spent what little reserve of energy I have left, I return to sleep, my doting companion with whom I must have a wrestling pillowfight in my jammies to keep beside me.

Be well, my friends. And Happy New Year to you.

Let me sleep, please?

Kate asked for a nap today for the first time ever. Perhaps in response to her very busy last few days, or perhaps because she hasn't been sleeping well, around 10 a.m. this morning she signed "horsey" then "nap" then "horsey" again. What is one to do but let the kid sleep? So she slept. When she awoke she went off and played with her other auntie, and her uncle, and dinnered with her mom's extended family. She had her 6 hours of non-family time. Okay, maaaybe 24. Now she spends the next few days in a very different sort of whirlwind with my family. Let's see if this time on Monday she's begging for a nap again...

Fear and Awe

Kate has a little bit of Old Testament style idol worship going on. Her cousin Mason is the "it" thing right now. So much so that "Ma" now refers not to her dear mother, but to Mason. This "Ma" is generally coupled with the "Where is it?" sign as she searches from room to room to find her beloved cousin. But, as any good Old Testament story goes, there is also loud clapping thunder, shaking earth, and some calamity. So while she often goes in search of her dear cousin, she just as often runs away shrieking.

She is picking up some tricks. Her current goal is to learn to jump off of Grandma's treadmill like her cousin can do. He demonstrates this to her frequently with helpful "see, Kate? like this! i'm FLYING!". Any attempts on auntie's part to remind him he can't fly ends in an arguement of "yes I can's" which just can't be effectively counter-argued. So far Kate has only succeeded in falling off the treadmill, but she's still trying. One more day and she might have it.

Gluttony, mirth, and bike riding

I am almost too tired to write this entry. Not because I have been sleep deprived. Kate has actually slept fairly well here, although she has been waking at the ungodly hour of 5am. Rather, I am exhausted from eating. This that I speak of is a special type of eating. Eating that I was not born into but am trying to learn to keep up with. Chunks of meat for each meal followed by and sometimes paired with sugar in various forms. I thought my mother had taught me about sugar. She had a dedicated sugar drawer in our kitchen filled with all kinds of sweet treats. Christmas in my in-laws home though is a whole new adventure into sweets and deliciousness. Although my tastebuds have delighted, my digestion and my blood sugar are not sure how to manage this rollercoaster and I might be forced to take a break soon.

Not that Kate has noticed. The poor girl is living the life her hypocritical parents have forced her into: one of no processed foods and no white sugar. She isn't going to know what hit her one of these days.

Despite the fact she isn't operating as though on a sugar high she has been moving as though on one. Her three year old cousin got a bike from Santa and he has been practicing riding in in the circle that connects kitchen-dining room-living room-and hallway. My sweet, quiet daughter has been chasing him every moment of his biking. Her one year old little legs racing in her attempt at a jog as she tries to catch him. As a result, she has been crashing, and crashing hard. For Kate, crashing looks like happy-energetic Kate on steroids. Which is followed fairly rapidly by cranky, whiney, moaney Kate. Today she was actually so tired she almost fell asleep while eating lunch: head hunched to the side against the headrest of the high chair (so THAT'S why there is a headrest to the highchair!), eyes slowly sinking closed... Poor kid. She then took an almost-three hour nap to try to recover for the second act.

Yesterday she enjoyed watching her cousin open lots of presents while curled up on daddy p's lap eating breakfast. She also enjoyed stealing these new toys to play with when said cousin was either napping or looking away. Her unaware parents brought no presents for her and were saved by her grandparents who purchased two noise making toys (a remote control and a pretend camera) that make music that she was thrilled to dance to. This did not prevent her from stealing her cousin's new drill as he napped and walking around the house "drilling holes" in the wall. Apparently my dad has done enough work on our new house that she knew instantly knew what to do with it. I was very surprised and happy to know that in a few years I will no longer be responsible for hanging anything up, or affixing anything to walls.





Today she met her first cat (liked, but didn't want to get near) and her first horse (neither liked nor wanted to get near). All in all I say this proves just how brilliant my little daughter is. It has been in the twenties here with a fierce wind though so we all bundled up mightily to make the outing and miss kate was more than happy to come back inside after not too long.

Oh winter day

Blessings to you all on this day we are asked to remember how to truly love ourselves and others and pursue this blazing love through all the pain, sacrifice and struggle that is sometimes required.

Snacking on the go

on the fly...

the day started with daddy p and I waking at three because the power went out. neither of us was very successful at getting back to sleep so we laid there until the alarm went off at five.

our flight was permenantly delayed so instead of going through dallas we switched to houston. our eight am flight turned into a ten a.m. flight. after getting some lunch we are chilling here until our next flight at two.

the good news is that not only has kate been in a great mood all morning, she took a forty minute nap on our first flight easy peasy like.

so all in all we are having a lovely day.

Proper Hygiene

We have just started getting Kate used to the idea of brushing her teeth before bed. It began with her just getting used to the tooth brush. Now she likes to practice by brushing our teeth, but will also move the brush around in her own mouth. She actually asks to brush her teeth now. Hopefully this will keep up for the next fifty years.

 

 

Getting in the spirit

Winter is officially here. We enjoyed our first day after the solstice with 70 degree weather. Odd, but Kate enjoyed being able to roam free and unencumbered outside. Leaves are a favorite these days: tossing them, crunching them, dropping them, collecting them, and throwing them.







To compensate for the weather, and to help along the mood some we went to look at some Christmas lights tonight.







She struggled with it. She was tired and not happy she was up and outside when she is normally in the bathtub. She wouldn't let us hold her and only crawled into the stroller when she decided she was hungry for our make-due dinner. She wanted mom, then only dad, then only mom, on her terms and in her way. We managed as we could, and Daddy P and I enjoyed ourselves as much as we could, but we ended the evening a little quicker than we'd planned and headed home.

Tonight's behavior along with other things today have really driven home how in touch I am with her. Whether a product of similar temperaments, or being a mostly-stay-at-home mom, I definitely know what she wants before anyone else, and know what each tone of voice means and what will happen if I choose action or inaction. What I don't know is if this is good (nurturing, supporting, comforting) or bad (spoiling, over-identifying, smothering). Ah, shades of gray... I think it's like having a superpower and knowing when to use it for good and not evil. The *knowing* is not the bad part. It would be the always doing what she wants regardless of the consequences that would be the bad part...

Yesterday we went to the children's museum and I realized how the flipside of feeling safe and supported means being more comfortable venturing out. This side has not shown up much, and it made me want to rush home and order those "your phone number as a temporary tattoo" stickers for her so that someone would always know who she belongs to. That and I started scanning her outfit for places I could write my phone number.






In our rough spots today I started introducing Kate to some chanting. I started doing this several months ago during nap transitions to help her quiet and soothe herself, and it worked really well for both of us (me for when she's crying, and her to help stop crying). I bought a beautiful album of kirtan music that I've been using in my own life, and decided that today Kate would learn some. So, we chanted through the rough spots, and I for one felt better for it.

Day Saver

 

Thank you Daddy P, for this amazing present. I had put it on my wishlist after seeing R's amazing contraption in her kitchen. Today Daddy P found one on craigslist and procured it for me with a snap! No better sight than two dishwashers in the kitchen!

Preparing for the inevitable

I decided I would rather endure suffering here, at home, in familiar turf, than at the in-laws when we are celebrating Christmas.

We began today by getting Kate to nap in her tent. Now, she used to love her tent. As a baby the darkness and way it enclosed her provided a lot of comfort. But the last time she slept in it was back in May I think, and she doesn't really remember it. For the past few days she's played in it in the living room, then we moved it to her bedroom and read books in it. Today we took the next step. I put her to sleep in it. I mean, I put her to screaming in it. Maybe she just has to cry it out, I thought. The competing voice chiming in, "Kate has never fallen asleep by crying it out." I decided to wait ten minutes.

I sat, listening to her scream for ten neverending minutes as I clockwatched and tried to block out the sound. I contemplated getting out the camera to record the hideous sound for some twisted idea of posterity. Ten minutes finally passed. I went in and sat next to her, comforting her with words but trying to ignore her (pleas to play, and signs to get out). I left again for fifteen minutes this time with a very similar scene. When I returned, she'd pooped which required me to start our naptime routine over.

This time I was plum out of juice. The thought of making her cry any more broke my heart. I just imaged all the cortisol flowing through her body, rewiring her delicate little neuropathways, making changes to her poor little brain because I wanted her to sleep in a tent. Ah, knowledge. How cruel you are to a mother. Plus, I couldn't stand the idea of her being alone and scared. I was sitting in the living room, imagining myself on my death bed, terrified of the inevitable but surrounded by those I love. I know, I'm bizarre. I knew that I want those I love around me when I'm upset and scared. Why not validate my little one in the same way? So I hunkered down next to the tent in her room.

She first tried to engage me in a game of peek a boo. Then she cried and whined. Then when that didn't get results she tried to unzip the tent. That lasted, I kid you not, twenty minutes. It's a miracle she didn't figure it out. I suggested she cuddle with horsey. She cried, but went and got horsey and cuddled. Forty minutes into my hunkering down she finally laid down, but continued thrashing about in the tent. I fell asleep. Somewhere in there she did, too.

Let's hope bedtime takes less time and doesn't involve me sleeping on her floor.

It's never too late, or too early, to spy on your child

Kate is almost 15 months. So you may wonder why at this late stage in the game I went out yesterday and blew $200 on a video monitor. Let me begin by fully rationalizing the expense. First of all, the same used monitors on ebay were going for only $30-$50 less. Not that $50 is chump change, but there's a certain amount of risk in buying ebay crap, er, merchandise, so we opted to go for new. Then there are the wide options in the store. For $100 you can buy a big ole honking screen that is like a mini cathode ray tube. For another $50 you can get a teeny tiny screen. They bait you for another $25 on top of that for a larger screen. And then, for $200 you can get a handheld "large" screen that's digital (so that you won't end up watching your neighbor's baby instead of yours). So yes, I blew two hundred buckaroos on something I swore I wouldn't buy.

But here's the thing... it is so addicting to watch! It's only been a day, but man oh man, I'm finding things out about Kate I never knew! For one, she rolls around for at least twenty minutes before falling asleep. She sounds asleep, but she's standing up, repositioning herself, flipping her head to the other side of the bed, tossing horsey around, rolling on her right side, her left, and then, finally, tucking her legs under with the butt-up happiness. All the time horsey is clutched carefully to her chest.

What brought us to this point was the other night. She was waking up every hour with teething pain, and then at midnight we broke down and went it. (I think I mentioned this -- mysteriously all teething pain was relieved by leaving her bedroom. Ring a bell?) Well, after much more crying, and much heartache on Daddy P's on my own part, she slept until morning. Come to find out, she had thrown out horsey sometime in the midst of it all and had been forced to sleep horseyless! I didn't know this was possible! We both felt so bad we decided then and there to buy a camera.

In case you're wondering, it's the Summer something one for $200. One day in and I'm totally stoked about it. Awesome picture (even in Kate's pitch-black room), and a nice size screen. The thing weighs nothing and has a video-off option so it works like an audio monitor. Very nice. Plus a rechargeable battery so I can stop buying so many freaking AAs.

Weather here was gorgeous today, which allowed her to get outside and play for a little bit. She was very interested in the leaves on the ground and carrying them across the yard to put them in her bucket. She tasted some dirt, moved around my pots, and checked out the bark on the tree. A pretty good day all in all!

My little monster

The Plus: 30 minutes that I spent getting dinner ready.
The Minus: Tantruming when water play was over...

 

 

 

 

Ms. Kate's had a rough 24 hours. Last night the family was up from midnight to 2am because of a baby who, by all indications, wanted to be awake. Okay, well, it started as tooth pain, but it was miraculous how her tooth pain disappeared when she left her bedroom! She was also up numerous other times throughout the night, but got herself back to sleep on her own. Nap today lasted only 1.5 hours after a string of five solid 3 hour naps.

Today she was very clingy, as she's apt to be when hurting, so I decided to put aside my plans and hunker down with her this morning. We played and cuddled and rolled around on the floor some. She mostly whined and pouted when I wouldn't let her do what she wanted, but there were some happy smiles here and there. Then the dilemna of dinner. I was working tonight, and had to make dinner early as a result (love that crockpot!) but couldn't figure out how to cut carrots while holding a baby... So out came the chair. It was a sight really as I managed to cut the carrots and prepare the dinner while blocking the open sides of the chair so she wouldn't topple. She loved it! I couldn't believe it! Thirty freaking minutes of uninterrupted quiet time while she happily played in the water. It was a delight. I finished getting the food ready (she helped put all the ingredients in the crock pot happily) and got to just enjoy her excitement.

Then it ended. All things must, but this end was loud and screamy, with a head bang on the floor thrown in for emphasis. She then spent the rest of the day trying to push the chair over to the sink to do more water play. She even learned "her version" of the water sign in no time at all since she wanted so badly to play again.

It's so hard coming home when she's already in bed and tucked in. But tonight, I hope I don't see her until the morning...

Kate's more than a stereotype (?)

But really, Kate... a fork in the outlet? Isn't that a little cliche? (Thank goodness we own plastic forks and outlet covers!) Haha. Thwarted!

I kid you not

Kate loves goat cheese!

(did you get the pun? you didn't did you. admit it. i'll only snicker behind your back and not to your face.)

I accidentally bought lemon goat cheese at the store. Goat cheese and crackers are my evening post-dinner treat every now and again, but I only splurge on it when I can find it on sale. Well, apparently the reason for the sale was the lemon flavor which was pungent. So, what does a mom do with food that she doesn't really want to eat, and hasn't been able to hide in a recipe to feed her husband? Give it to the baby.

Smothered it on some water crackers and we had a little picnic in the kitchen. She loved it! I couldn't tell if she was enchanted by the fact I let her eat on the floor or if it was the crackers and cheese. She gobbled them up one after another though and occasionally fed me a bite.

We had a lovely day the two of us. We started by hanging out with some new friends at a coffeeshop nearby, followed by a playdate at their house. Kate took to the little boy very quickly and followed him around mimicking whatever he did. She also tried to steal his little snack cup, and his kind mama, R, graciously gave Kate her own. We came home and had a nice little lunch the two of us, followed by some independent play on Kate's part while I laundered. (I was thinking today that I need to string up my laundry-line in the new house. Maybe on the screened in porch...) Then a nap. A LONG nap. I took advantage of the nap with a variety of chores including making dinner. She woke around 3:30pm, ready for another snack and some play.

I lugged out her travel tent to start getting her used to the idea of being in it. The last time she was was probably back in June, so she doesn't much remember it. And she hasn't been in it since she could walk so the whole thing will be interesting. I spent at least a half hour actually curled up inside of it, with her crawling in and out with various toys and animals. Then we made some oatmeal crackers and popped dinner in the oven and waited for Daddy P to get off work.

It was such a relaxing and sweetly slow day! Such a blessing!

Ghee Wiz!

Paul made ghee this weekend. After just a little cajoling, and one burned attempt, we ended up with a yummy jar of ghee. Which, we have decided, is the secret to at-home Indian food! Come to find out that almost all Indian food is made with this little secret ingredient, when we made some yummy curry at home we found that ghee really made our house smell like an Indian restaurant.

Kate was so happy with the ghee that she leaned over and took a big spoonful to eat. Even horseys received some ghee loviness.

Mama's Favorite Girl

(optional title: "Why We Really Have Children: To Feel Good About Ourselves")

I was putting Kate to bed tonight, happily signing her her spanish "Mama's little baby loves shortin'" song, and putting on her post-bath diaper. As I am putting her diaper on, she signs "more." I tell her "Sorry, pumpkin, no more bath." She looks at me puzzled. She signs "more" again. I sign "More bath"? Nope. "More milk"? Nope. "More music" and voila! She signs "more music!"

Never has anyone ASKED me to sing before. So sing I did. And man she got groovy.

In other news, Kate weighs 26 pounds! No wonder my back is killing me. I am done carrying her. She can walk from now on.

Have we housebroken the baby?

Let me explain...

Monday, Kate woke up a half hour into her nap in order to poop. No more nap after that.

Tuesday, before nap I put Kate on the group and told her to go pick out a book. She did, and stood over her books pooping while she did it. I said, "You're pooping! Gonna need a new diaper (insert diaper sign here)."

Wednesday, before nap I put her down, told her again to pick out a book and go poop. She did! I labeled and signed what she was doing again.

Thursday, same story!

Friday, she pooped earlier in the morning, so I just skipped the whole "go to your corner and poop." Well, she started fussing when I picked her up after reading books to put her down for nap. Then she started signing "diaper." Stupid mom, was like, "I already changed your diaper silly." Put her down and she SCREAMED. I came back in the room after five minutes and decided to give the whole thing another go (I was figuring this was because I was gone this morning and had just gotten home and she was having a tough time with the transition... er, wrong.) So I put her down, she walks over to the corner where her bookshelf is and poops.

Duh.

She's housebroken! I'm seriously tempted to buy a baby toilet and put it by her books!

Brrr and loving it

We've been having very cold weather for our area. So cold, in fact, it flurried! So Kate has been using clothing that I am blessed to have inherited! Who knew we'd need it locally! Here she is decked out in her boots and warm coat to go out in the 28 degree weather!

New word to rival "Elly Dog"

Kate's new word is "this" and actually sounds like "this"... it comes from our pattern of her pointing at something and us saying "You want this? Or this? Or this?" So now she just points and says "this" when she wants something. It really is much simpler than learning the individual word for all the items in the house.

A Shopping Lesson

Kate's great aunt is visiting and teaching her to shop. It's going well, from a spending perspective. And a walking perspective: Kate walked most of the mall by herself. This resulted less from our intent to tire her out, and more from our frustrated attempts to open the new stroller in 27 degree weather and an unwillingness to rent a mall stroller for $5.

14 months old!

At 14 months, Miss Kate is quite the go getter. Her recent tricks are woofing at pictures of dogs and making a car sound as you push her on her push-car. She's pretty particular. We're noticing all our not-so-fun qualities shining through: Daddy P's fussiness about fabrics and clothing (Kate now tantrums for fleece pants or scratchy sweaters) and my short fuse (the other day she threw a lid across the room when she couldn't figure out how to put it on correctly). We will be working on perfecting our job of modeling coping with these weaknesses to help her deal with them better than we did.

She's some unknown weight and height, but her pants finally don't drag on the ground when she walks. She is obsessed with all things electronic (just like her grandfathers), and when she can't touch the laptop or hold the phone she, you guessed it, tantrums.

For all the tantruming, this kid has so much joy. She is the biggest cuddler and is happy to climb into your lap and read a book she's picked out. She will walk over to me cooking in the kitchen and with a sweet little sigh hug my leg before moving on to her next activity. Her cries of delight are just the most heartwarming sounds to hear. You can't top them.

Independence is all the rage. She is getting really good at feeding herself with a spoon, and wants to eat apples and bananas whole. She really wants to use a cup, although inevitably when we let her try, pouring quickly follows.

More Park Happiness

Kate got lots of park time over Thanksgiving weekend, and enjoyed showing off all her moves to the family.



Kate's currently practicing putting things in other things: food in bowls, toys in boxes, caps on bottles, and her most recent attempt... keys in locks...

the "highly sensitive person"

Thanks to Pamelanders for reminding me about the work done around "The Highly Sensitive Person"... so, according to their self test I myself am a highly sensitive person. I know Daddy P has traits too (needing to do one thing at a time, sensitivity to textures of clothes and tags on his skin, and so on), so basically Kate's screwed. :) But really, what she says on her site sounds a lot like Kate: she observes closely before doing anything, she notices small details in her environment, she has a hard time sleeping after a crazy day, she has a hard time with changes to her routine... so on and so forth... a lot of the child self-test questions I couldn't yet answer since she's not verbal yet, but I'm anticipating...

Looks like I'll be ordering a book...

The "who is this child" conundrum

Sometimes Daddy P and I look at Baby Kate and wonder who she is. These past few weeks she has been becoming increasing sensitive to, well, everything. For two nights we had given her Tylenol before bed to help her sleep due to teething (and waking every hour screaming without it). Last night she decided to make up a sign for Tylenol. And she used it, again and again, since we weren't giving her any. Caught in the dilemma of trusting she knows it's effect and wants it for pain relief and not giving it to her because we thought she just wanted it for the syrupy sweetness, we were at a loss as to what to do. We didn't give it to her. She screamed and thrashed, so we brought her out of her room after 30 minutes because she was incessantly signing "bottle." Well, apparently, "bottle" now means "dropper" from the Tylenol container. We returned her to her room, without the medicine, and tried again.

This led to an hour screaming, kicking, throwing fest as she made her anger and frustration clearly known (a sight that is becoming very familiar as I am realizing that she has an even low frustration tolerance than I do...). As I sat next to her crib last night, singing to her as she screamed and thrashed around, I tried desperately to analyze the whole situation. Is it her teeth? Has she figured out that Tylenol takes the pain away? Is it the taste and she is just being stubborn and wanting what she wants? Is it something totally different? Her dad is hypersensitive to texture on his skin. Maybe she is reacting to a stray tag in her p.j.s or something literally rubbing her the wrong way? Holding her provided her no comfort but she seemed equally upset in her crib. It was killing me to leave her there, but I channeled my weekend of yoga and chanting and just sat and chanted next to her, hoping to calm us both.

Exhausted from the emotion and screaming, I slinked out of the room as she lay in sleep, still taking gagged sobbing breaths, wondering what the "right" thing was to do.

This morning Miss Kate threw a similar tantrum (screaming, kicking, scratching, and pinching herself) because I changed her diaper. I mean, really? A diaper? I just look at her sometimes and wonder if this is really who she is, or just a stage she's going through. But as the weeks go on I am realizing we have a child that is going to struggle with emotional self-control in big ways, and who is very very sensitive. At times this sensitivity is delightful. She is so emotionally attuned to other people it's remarkable. She notices everything in her environment, and picks up language amazingly quickly. Unfortunately, the flip side is that she is so quick to absorb her environment, I think she has a hard time shutting it out when she needs to. As a baby if I just held her very tightly I could help her calm down. She would trash, but then submit to my hold and let go and sleep. Now she pushes and scratches her way out of my arms when she's upset with me and then cannot calm herself down very successfully on her own either.

How I'm wishing I had more early childhood training in my psychology program... Self-soothing tips, anyone?

In the meantime, we are going to try to re-cast bedtime and her bedroom as a happy, quiet, soothing place, instead of the place of struggle and sadness that it has become...

Park fun

Kate wants in every free moment to go to the park. And, she gets her way a lot.

Vaguely Baby Related

Continuing on my trend of only barely touching on baby relatedness as it pertains to Kate...

Our new favorite food: Quinoa! Oh my gosh! How have we not had this before?? It's a grain, which means baby Kate loves it. AND it has a ton of protein in it, which means I don't have to worry about only feeding her beans (she's a vegetarian by choice currently, unless fed by our nanny who she will eat turkey from). AND it's yummy and easy to prepare.

I did a dinner swap with some vegetarian moms and one dish we got was curry and quinoa and Daddy P and I loved it, so we decided to add it to our repertoire. I was happy to find out it was easy to cook and I didn't even mess it up.

Mommy Ranting

I am learning that I cannot take Kate to playgrounds. I am too judgmental.

Oh, the annoyance of the “I like how you are so nice” indoctrination. How many mothers have I now heard say “Play nice” or “You need to share, I like it when you share” or “I love how you were so nice!” Way to start your child on her path to anorexia early. Okay, that was a little over the top.

In Western society, we not only socialize our children to be competitive (beating the other guy is more important than improving your individual personal achievement – paraphrased from Karen Horney’s work) but we socialize our GIRLS to be NICE. So, ladies. Tell me how you can do both of those things? Be nice and competitive?

Uh, can you say “relational aggression?” Yep, popularity and friends, all with a perfect balance of gossiping and prosocial behaviors.

But really my complaint is about this idea what our little girls have to share everything they have, they must sacrifice for joe-schmoe, and they must smile and enjoy it. Give it up girl, and love it.

Again, probably crossing a line there.

But seriously, studies have shown that we expect our toddler girls *more than our boys* to share toys with strangers and guests. No one expects me to share my car with a strange person. Or my mp3 player. Or the book I’m reading. Or my LUNCH! So why the heck do our kids have to? Sharing doesn’t build empathy, it builds resentment. If you make me give up my mp3 player to the guy next door for an hour because he’s making sad puppy-dog eyes I’m not going to be happy and joyful. I’m going to call the cops! Aren't there other ways to teach empathy and community building besides just forcing a child to share under threat? Doesn't forced sharing just reinforce this notion that we're nice because we get approval and feel good about ourselves for doing it, rather than because it helps someone else out?

So we teach young girls to mask their anger and just suck it up and be nice.

Our current tactic with Kate is to teach her hand to hand combat while raising her to believe that her best can always be improved and is never good enough.

Maybe if we overcompensate she’ll balance out the rest of the world.

Okay, but really. How do we teach our kids empathy while also teaching them to be assertive? How do you teach a child to look after their fellow man while not forcing them to conform to a “be nice to be liked and approved of” attitude?

Of course, I do not want to turn into the parents I heard on the playground yesterday who were saying that "my son is too young to be expected to understand sharing" (He was five.) and whose same son not only invaded my personal space but also was about to knock Kate over before I physically moved him and verbally confronted him.

So really, this is about me learning to not judge. I'm a long ways off. Obviously. They feed you something at the hospital when you have kids that decreases your empathy for other parents. I think it's the jello.

P.S.

Bottle free and loving it!! Cold turkey, and not a peep of a protest. Lovely!

The hard-to-get 13 month shot

So, here is how it went...first there were tears because she couldn't hold the camera.



then she played some music on her mp3 player for a bit...



Then she wanted the camera again...



The phone kept her happy for a bit...



But, then she was done...



and wanted the camera...

Slow Bloggin'

Since I don't have a home-office right now, blogging is a little trickier. So I apologize for the infrequent blogging and hopefully will get my space set up this week and be able to be more regular about it.

In the meantime... Kate's still running all over the place. She's added "dancing" and "bath" to her frequently used signs list. Mostly she just insists on a bath throughout the day (it's quite possibly her favorite event next to park-going).

Her new most common behavior is "eh"ing and directing. "Eh" now means "help" and it is used very very frequently. Think, 45 times a minute.

"Mama" is a new word in her vocab. It makes a rare appearance, but whenever she is hurt or needing something there can be heard across the valley, "mamamamamamama" in a sorrowful tone.

Oh, directing. She will now take your hand and lead you where you should be or what you should be doing. Something this also includes pulling your pants in the direction you should be going in. A good 13 mo old move.

And no, I haven't posted her updated picture. Darn. Okay, 13 month pic to be posted ASAP.

Halloween

Well, Grandpa flew in for Halloween weekend to help Daddy P in the construction of his home office. So, the weekend was filled with the excitement of adding insulation, an A/C unit, a sliding glass door, and drywall to the building. We got a lot done (I use "we" liberally here) and are heading in the right direction.



As a result, we didn't much celebrate Halloween. Kate dressed up and paraded around the house and the front lawn, but we didn't really see any kids out or get many trick or treaters. Is Halloween dying? Reserved only for college co-eds who want to go outside in their underware? Well, Kate the chicken represented.

Moving and Halloween

We are settled in. After two weeks spent packing, moving, unpacking, getting sick, getting Daddy P sick, getting baby Kate sick... here we are. There is little unpacking that has been done, but we're getting there.



In the meantime, Kate's been making good use of her Auntie's gift of monster shoes now that the weather is cooling down. She has also very much figured out that there are two horseys. She found the spare. Now I'm wondering if that means I have to have two spares for the horsey AND the spare... Hm...

Her latest interest is place settings. She wants her own plate or bowl. If we give her food on the table or on her tray, she will reach for a bowl, then put all the food in the bowl before immediately putting it in her mouth. It's pretty entertaining.

She has seven teeth at last count, but the drool might mean more are coming. They just don't stop...!

She has her bedroom painted to match the old, with a different constellation though. I think it helped her transition, but it might also have just really confused her as to why her room is almost, but not quite, the same...

Part of our move meant spending large amounts of money at Lowes and Ikea. Kate benefited from this trend in many ways, but I think her favorite is her chair which matches the grown-up chair in the den/playroom.



Oh, and the latter is my favorite part. I now have a toy-tv room, and a normal room. Yay! I love it. And Daddy P will too once the new couch comes for the den so he can sit on something besides the floor to watch football. (I claimed our pretty couch for "my" room...)

Baby Kate's First Move

Stand by for pictures... movers come Sunday. Packing has commenced.

Playing at the Park

Daddy P, Kate and I don't make it to the park often during the week. Between our work schedule, dinner, and Kate's early bedtime (7pm is her preference), it's hard to do much in the evening. But last night we were determined. I had dinner ready to go so that we could go to the park, come home, and eat. Which meant we got some very fun family time. Kate splashed in the puddles, and practiced climbing. Mom and Dad practiced trying to get her to learn to scoot down steps and not try to walk down them... It was good all around.

 

The Last Week in Pictures

I have been neglectful. We've been busy trying to get the house ready for the move this weekend, and the blog has suffered... Apologizes... Meanwhile, a freaking tree falls on our current (rental)...



Kate's 1 year old picture... She's 50th percentile on weight and head, and 25th on height... That explains why we're rolling up all her pants!



Kate's excited about Halloween!!!!



She's slightly enamored with her babydoll right now. Even horsey is having a tough time comopeting!

The sleepless nights and fussy days continue. Four teeth in, and one more pushing through...