This will embarass her when she's older

Everyone needs a good "when you were a baby you..." tale, right?

Here's Kate's:

She and I have gotten in the habit of using the, er, facilities together. One day that she actually peed in her potty while I was using the bathroom so I keep waiting for the magic to happen again. After nap one day we went in the bathroom to sit on our potties. I had just five minutes earlier changed her diaper and it was already wet so our chances of success seemed slim. So, while I flushed her gDiaper I sent her to her room to get another diaper. Well, she came back empty handed(I had given it a 50/50 chance of success) so I went to her bedroom to get a diaper and I found...

... a little pile of poop on the carpet. (Thank goodness we have ended the diarrhea phase.)

I show her the poop and tell her that she pooped and poop goes in the potty so we have to put the poop in the potty. I then walk out of the room with her to get something to scoop it up with and when I return to get the poop she isn't with me. I pick it all up anyway and when I step back out in the hallway I see that now she has now peed on the ground. What is a mom to do? I point out that she peed and that there is potty on the ground, and that when you need to potty you sit on your potty chair. I invite her to sit on her chair if she wants to, and she does, so where do we end up?

Back where we started. With a baby who just peed and is sitting on the potty.

Getaway

Daddy P surprised me with our first out-of-town overnight last weekend. We went to a nearby resort and it honestly felt like a vacation (even though it was only 30 hours). We went to the spa, laid around in a hammock in the sun, had a fancy dress-up dinner, and "slept in" (suddenly 8am is late).

The only bad part was that a) it was a very family friendly resort so we both kept saying "oh, Kate would LOVE this" and b) because it is family friendly a child started crying at 3am near us and Daddy P was almost out of bed before realizing we were in a hotel and without Kate.

It was a really nice break and we're lucky the Grandparents were nice enough to come over. Nanna reported Kate slept from 8:30 - 8:45 that night. She hasn't done that for us. Ever. And the next night she promptly went back to midnight awakenings and a "I think it's morning" time of 5:30am. I was still too blissed out to notice. (As was evident by her having to occupy herself reading books until 6:30am when I managed to drag myself out of bed.)

We are still taking turns sleeping in her room. It's actually gotten worse rather than better with her now waking up screaming and not falling back asleep right away. She's getting two molars simultaneously, though, so you have to wonder. We saw the first one trying to break through last week and the hole -- I kid you not -- it not ONE bit larger. This is how slowly Kate gets teeth. The other guess is that we have started reintroducing milk to her diet and she had a lot last night... might have been gas.

(Man what a fun blog this is!)

Other things have gotten better though. She is drinking water and eating again (huge relief). In fact her appetite is so huge that everyone has remarked on it. Of course, she was pretty much only eating crackers before so it's noticeable. Poops look better, too. What more does a mom want? Hm, I guess, weight gain? Too soon to tell if it's sticking, so we'll have to see. Our best guess is that this change is due to the probiotic she is on.

Okay, so thanks for letting this blog be my medical record. Promise to bring pictures and tales of outings soon...

You're going WHERE?!?!

I always thought we were lucky that Daddy P worked from home and I was home a lot. It meant that the three of us often have at least two meals together, sometimes three. We see each other throughout the day on and off (the office is detached but not the bathroom!) . But today, Kate made it clear that transitions are not okay. Coming and going of mom and dad is hard.

Ah, separation anxiety.

Separation anxiety looks like a scream so hard that veins pop out of a forehead that is smooth and perfect. A scream so big I can see tonsils.

This happened a lot today. It happened when I tried to "work from home" in the back office. It happened when Daddy P came in for a bathroom break. It happened when the new nanny tried to do nap.

Clearly, Kate feels we are throwing too much change at her at once.

We are all mourning the Pontiac, clearly.

She was fine once we were out of sight and gone (for the most part) but the separation has become stomach turning. It doesn't help anything that she's not herself, and she's getting two molars, and we were in a car accident, and we have hired a new nanny.

Despite all the trauma of the past weeks, some very fun developments have occurred. You know, that things that EVERY kid learns to do but that seem absolutely amazing and magical for your kid to do.

Like, Kate trying to sing. You can start Old MacDonald and she tries to do the "EIEIO" part. She also likes to suggest animal noises: woof, quack, and moo are her favorites.

Or her new addition of spinning in circles to her dancing repertoire.

Or (a little less magical) her sudden and immediate use of "no" in all situations. With frequency that requires her to sometimes backtrack when she really means "yes."

Her pairing of multiple signs to make commands and "sentences" -- we aren't really touching words yet in our house.

Hey sweet little pats on my back the she likes to add when Daddy P gives me a hug.

Her total and complete obsession with all things "pawpaw": Skype calls mean "pawpaw," the phone ringing means "pawpaw," she identifies every picture of my dad reliably with "pawpaw," and frequently requests that I draw a picture of "pawpaw" (poor guy). Oh, and yes, sporty silver cars also earn a "pawpaw" followed with "carrrrrr."

We are, you can imagine, eagerly awaiting tomorrow when both nanna and pawpaw come to watch Kate -- get this -- OVERNIGHT. Yep. Daddy P musta did some fancy bargaining to get this to happen in the midst of our lives, the not-sleeping nightmare. While I think the intent of this is to be a "date" I think at this point we are both planning on sleeping pretty much from our departure from our house to our departure from the hotel. Not quite romantic, but seeing as we've both been so tired we can hardly even make eye contact, this will be a huge jump in the right direction. I have been so tired, in fact, that I have both threatened to not come home from work, and fallen asleep on the floor at work (it was a slow day...). A needed vacation then.

Just our little weekend adventure. Stay tuned for our future weekend adventure: camping with Kate. Dum dum duuuuuummmmmm. Hope the campground doesn't want to sleep!!

And now, some pictures of Kate. Her other recent addition to the "cute" list is telling Elly "no" when she is doing something she isn't supposed to. Believe it or not she actually only says it when Elly is in the wrong. Before meals we make Elly "place" (go lie on her bed) and release her by walking next to her and saying "ok" with a dramatic time to drag race arm signal. Kate doesn't have the "okay" yet, but has the arms down pat....

Totally totalled

Time to start shopping for a car. Wish I wanted to...

A new week

Just a quick update since I haven't had time to even check my email or respond to notes...

GI appointment on May 6th. Couldn't get in before that.

Her fever from the weekend broke on Saturday. She's back on normal food. We went to Thai over the weekend and I don't remember the last time I saw a kid eat that much. Felt really great. She is downing pedialyte as though that stuff is candy, and it's darn nasty, so she must need it. Still bad poo poops. Last night she slept from 8 - 5am which felt like heaven. Then she WENT BACK TO SLEEP (as soon as I came in and laid down). It was terrific.

We are on a self-imposed gluten free diet since we don't have anything better to do until the 6th. Worth a shot.

Thanks for all the notes of support, love and advice. We appreciate it all...

Health and Wellness Update

Another doctor's visit. Kate started a fever yesterday and it peaked overnight, prompting Daddy P to take her in to the doc. Her diarrhea also came back. So, in to Saturday doc's office. This, as chance would have it, is my love-affair doctor. This doctor saw us when we were in the hospital with Kate and I fell in love. He was kind, careful to explain his thinking, took his time with us, and responded in detail to our questions. He looks a little (in my memory at least) like Beau Bridges, and wore cowboy boots in the hospital which just seemed totally comforting at the time. Today, Daddy P wasn't thrilled with the state of his office (grumpy nurses, not a lot of toys, kinda old looking) but really liked his manner and style. He did a lot of "thinking outloud" so that we feel today more like we know what to get worried about, what the possibilities are, and what next steps might be. As opposed to our doctor who never seems to make me feel better or more in control or sure how much to be worried.

As Daddy P put it, the doc was "flummoxed." Kate's symptoms didn't make a lot of sense to him as a whole. He is currently hypothesizing a UTI as cause for the fever she's having now, and they put a catheter in for a urine sample. Poor kid.

His biggest concerns are the fact she literally hasn't gained a pound in four months and that she's having weird bowel movements. He thinks the sleep problems are a combo of developmental stage and teething. But he isn't sure about the rest. He's going to do another round of stool samples to further check for parasites. He didn't have Kate's record since it was a Saturday so couldn't check to see what the doc had already looked for.

His advice: go back to normal food, continue avoiding dairy, and monitor.

He said if nothing changes in a week then we'll start doing blood tests for bigger problems. (I'm totally and completely consumed with worry right now, but I guess I will try to worry more next week if we get to that point.)

So, that's the update.

Erring on the opposite extreme?

So, I am that mom. That mom who takes pride in not being that other mom. And, as any good girl will tell you, that word there -- pride -- is where it all goes downhill.

I let my kid eat dirt. And play in random puddles. And... well, almost whatever she wants. All in the name of a "stronger immune system."

Ha.

So, our current theory, thanks to our informal pediatrician who is stepping in until I officially fire our formal ped, is Giardia.

Fun word.

It's a little bugger that lives in your body, gives you gas, diarrhea, smelly poops, takes away your appetite, causes weight loss and causes lactose intolerance.

Sound familiar?

We aren't positive this is what it is. We need to call the doc and see if they had sent out for this specific test when they did the parasite stool sample. But she's responding to something, and the parasite med she is on would treat this.

You get it from water sources, and more specifically, from fecal matter in water. Dog bowls are currently our standing contenders. The only problem is that Elly isn't acting sick. The incubation is up to 4 weeks, so that means Kate could have actually gotten this a little over a month ago and not shown signs. It seems a little silly to contact everyone we hang out with who has a pet and ask if their pet has been sick, so we'll probably just take Elly to the vet to double check so Kate doesn't get reinfected.

This is my current running hypothesis. I feel much better just having one.

Kate's color is back to normal, and she slept through the night last night for the first time in almost a month. So it's gotta be something we're doing. We'll see.

In the meantime, if you have hung out with us, and have a fussy pet, take it to the vet. Okay?

(for those of you who are curious: Giardia link)

As though things weren't already rough

Kate and I were in a car accident this morning.

Before my phone starts ringing, I will assure you that we are all fine. I have a very sore neck/back (and strangely, wrist), and Kate has a small bruise from her seatbelt, but we're all good.

We were innocently driving along and some dumb bloke ran his stop sign ("I thought it was a four-way stop."). We spun around so we were on the opposite side of the road facing the direction we were coming from. This is the dialogue I heard in my head:

"B-I-N-G-O" -- oh wait, no, that was outloud.
"There's a car at the window."
"I'm spinning."
"Kate's crying."
"Turn into it, turn into it! I stopped the car! Yay!" (no seriously, i remember specifically praising myself)
"Why aren't the brakes working?"
"Put it in park dummy!"

If it weren't for some very nice people who stopped to help me I would have been a mess. Or maybe, because I had support I was able to be a mess. I'm hoping that I would have been less of a mess if I were on my own. These two guys in suits walked up and asked if we were okay. I was holding the phone at my ear with my shoulder and trying to get a screaming Kate out of the car. He then realized what I needed was help calling 911 and just took over doing that. I can't say how much that helped.

(lesson of the day: do not remove baby from carseat until EMTs arrive. lesson learned.)

Another woman stopped and waited to give her account since she saw the whole thing. She stood around and entertained Kate and tried to lighten the mood which was greatly appreciated. she lives in our neighborhood (no surprise there, people in our neighborhood are AWESOME) and was nice enough to wait with me.

(lesson: write down contact info of nice people to send them goodies. i know her name and her street but not her address so i might be knocking on a lot of doors.)

Kate enjoyed watching the fire engine show up (to my surprise since she hates loud noises) and was good about waiting around until the cops got there. She even let a fireman touch her without any problem. We got a clean bill of health and didn't have to go to the hospital. The car on the other hand... he hit us right at the place where Kate sits. Exactly there. But, the door didn't hit her (thank goodness). I think if we'd had side curtains she would have gotten thrown to the middle seat from the impact of the airbags. Anyway, we're curious to see if they fix or scrap the car. The door was messed up along with the wheel well, tire, and undercarriage. Seems fixable, but who knows. The carseat is going in the dumpster however.

Tomorrow I get a rental car and go buy a new carseat. Today I had a hard time focusing on doing much of anything other than talking to insurance agents. I'm pretty much taking this as a sign that I need to stop complaining and be more appreciative.

MESSAGE RECEIVED, OUT THERE! OKAY?

On a lighter note, did you know you can plant sprouting onions?

Phone Skills

Here's our little chatterer on the phone and "texting"...

I woke up this morning to a steady stream of babble. Kate isn't really using words much yet, but she is doing that fun pre-word task of using nonsense words. She was having quite the talk with (?) horsey this morning. I would heard occasional "yeah!"s after pauses. Freaked me out just a teeny bit. Don't want to think my kid talks to ghosts. So, we'll go with horsey.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe

This is the game our pediatrician is playing.

(I know you all are tired of hearing me rag on our ped, and I promise I will get one as soon as I have time to breathe.)

Monday we found out there was no parasite.

Tuesday Kate was still eating next to nothing and waking up screaming.

Today she stopped having as many wet diapers. I started feeling like we were on the pre-ER track again.

We'd done what he's suggested. Either Daddy P or I have been sleeping with her to ease any separation fears. We stopped giving her milk and replaced it with Lactaid in case it is lactose intolerance. We stopped letting her drink milk before or during a meal so she'd be encouraged to fill up on food instead of milk.

But not much changed. She woke up a dozen times last night. She would either wake up and scream and instantly go back to sleep, or wake up and stand up for comfort. She ate a little more without the milk before meals, but our normal good-eater disappeared and was replaced by a kid who wouldn't eat any of her favorite foods. All she wanted were mandarins and crackers.

Daddy P called the doctor again today. We both decided until we had a better idea that she was "okay" we wanted more help. All her symptoms combined with her zero weight gain/growth over three months just makes a mom nervous.

The doctor apparently knew as little as we did about what was going on. His prescription seemed like a "covering the bases" move. Kate now is on anti-parasite meds "just in case" and on the "BRAT" diet (bananas, rice, applesauce, and toast) for diarrhea and just general tummy problems. She is not to have any dairy until we figure out what is going on. He said she could have soymilk but a) soy is in almost everything we eat these days so drinking it just seems like overkill, and b) she got insanely gassy when *I* drank soymilk and breastfed her so I'd rather skip that experience.

Tonight she seemed very content eating toast and applesauce with crackers for dipping. She wasn't thrilled with the lack of milk but having pediolyte in her water seemed to convince her to drink a few sips.

I really don't want to do another 8 hours in the ER. We're still paying those bills.

So, we'll give this a go and see what happens. In the meantime, her mood is still normal and chipper (except she is tired fast during the day). She hung out with her favorite new baby today and got to make a mess of our friends' house. We shall see...

Montessori at Home

I would love to make our house a little Montessori haven. Unfortunately, that would require better supervision (most Montessori items are breakable) than I can afford to give, and cost and organizational skills I ain't got right now. I settled instead for a little plastic tea set. It is satisfying Kate's need to practice pouring water, and with a small ceramic plate underneath, still retains some of the Montessori beauty.

Practicing her pouring

Kate wiping up a spill.

18 months

No new stats to report. No seriously, Kate hasn't gained weight in three months. THREE MONTHS. Weird right? So yeah, here are our symptoms that finally drove us to take her to the doctor today:
- no weight gain (but dirty and wet diapers)
- she's stopped eating (as in a few bites of cracker/applesauce/cereal per meal and refusing to eat anything else)
- she drinks like 32 oz of milk a day (she won't eat and then drinks to fill up)
- no water
- no sleeping through the night and no sleeping without a parent in the room
- general weirdness

Daddy P and I started worrying that sleep wasn't about separation because of all the other weird things and called the doctor. The nurse on the phone says, "It could be a parasite! Come in today!" Daddy P gets there and the doctor says, "Uh, I don't think it's anything. Lots of 18 month olds stop sleeping well. And I've had kids not eat for a week just because they didn't want to. She's probably fine."

Well, f*@#$*(!!!!! This is "fine"?!?! Wow was I not happy to hear that. He's still having a stool lab run but thinks she's fine. Does any of this feel fine? Does this really seem fine? I mean, couldn't he at least PRETEND to understand what we are feeling at this point?

We have been taking turns sleeping on the floor in her bedroom because she wakes up every 15 minutes crying. At least when we're in there we can say "It's okay" and she'll fall back asleep instead of screaming. This is our only sanity/sleep preserving option. Plus the idea of letting her be alone and crying when she's sad/scared/upset/sick just kills us both.

I think I was wishing for a parasite for my daughter today...

So yeah... we halfheartedly tried some sleep ideas from books... they all pretty much sucked. We finally decided to just stay with her until she fell asleep and then leave the door open (which, surprisingly, she is still able to sleep through the ruckus we make). Last night this got us to 10:30pm, and then she was able to fall asleep without too much trouble (20 minutes) with Daddy P lying on the floor next to her. This worked until 5am, she went back down with Daddy P sleeping on the floor until 6am. Then the night was over.

That was the best sleep we've gotten in weeks. The best part was Daddy P let me sleep with earplugs in. Love that man.

18 months

Where'd it go?

The throw

Chilaxing after a good toss.

The End (for tonight)

And, thanks to toddlerhood I can use cause and effect:

"When you lie down I will rub your back."

One more minute of crying, then she lies down, then I rub her back, and she's out.

Whew.

Back to Basics

After an awful day for Mom and Dad, Kate's at her end. She literally fell asleep while eating dinner. Daddy P spent the day scouring the web for ideas, and found pretty much every one you can imagine. What's a parent to do?

So tonight we have gone back to what we used at the beginning to teach Kate to nap by herself. Meaning, right now Kate is screaming like mad in her crib and Daddy P is in there with her, but not giving her attention. A hard role to be sure. I keep sneaking peeks at the monitor and she seems to pause in her crying and almost doze off standing before resuming her screams. Her worst trick is calling "mamammamama" out of the door. Ouch. The sting!

Twenty minutes in and I am starting to feel my skin crawl at each cry. We'll see how it turns out. If we get more than three hours sleep tonight we'll be in better shape than last night!

It's the most important holiday! Opening Day!!

In preparation for Daddy P's favorite holiday of all time, he's taught Kate to identify Cardinals players in his sports illustrated. She even tried to say Pujols ("puhhh"). She say a picture of him with a cardinal on the front of his jersey and then pointed to Daddy P's chest where the cardinal is on his shirt. Saying cardinals was easier since she knows "car" so it sounds like "car -l." If you see my daughter at a sports bar on Sunday with Daddy P I won't be surprised.

Camels, straws, and bad backs

Daddy P and I are about to topple from the struggle with toddler emotions. I have been pretty much totally gone from family life these past two weeks between being busy at work and studying for my licensing exam. As a result, Kate's been thrown into a babysitting upheaval and has clung to Daddy P with desperation. She screams when separated from him now. If I try to hug or kiss him she cries and pushes me away, grabbing for him. She screams for hours at bedtime when he leaves her, and naps have also gotten more difficult. Daddy P got all of 3 hours sleep last night, and I managed another 1.5 hours thanks to his kindness, but we're both a bit out of it today.

Our skin crawls at the naptime hour as we brace ourselves for the fight. Kate is so adverse to nap and sleep that she cries in the middle of books now, anticipating the end. Last night the only way we got her to sleep was to have Daddy P pretend to "go to work" so that I put her down because she couldn't stand to be away from him in her bedroom. It was still a rough time getting her down, but not as bad since she's pretty much given up on me. (sniff)

I really fooled myself into thinking that we had a good night-sleeper. All is subject to change. The joy and pain of the world.

Well, back to studying. If anyone has any separation anxiety/bedtime tips I'm taking them. Crying it out isn't working as she has successfully outlasted us. Trying to sleep with her leads to her playing and poking us for two hours. So basically, it feels like nothing works. What we know is that we need to get her back into a consistent routine. Our little darling needs routine and predictability and unfortunately that hasn't happened much in the past few weeks. She's had different people putting her down at different times with different styles more than usual and I think all the variety is causing her to be a little more stubborn and a little more overwhelmed than usual. Unfortunately, we can't really make many changes until the exam is over and I can get back in the swing of family life.

So, send happy thoughts to Daddy P. He's a real trooper, a dedicated husband, and a dad who's putting it all on the line right now. Thank you, Daddy P!

Why Mommy Dearest Was So Cold

You wake up to a crying baby. You bring said baby back to the bed with a book and snuggle up to read as you wake up to the overly bright day. Baby keeps asking "where's daddy?" You keep saying "in the shower." Well, when this dad finally gets out of the shower baby wants only Daddy. This would be tolerable except baby is now shoving and kicking mommy out of bed to make room for daddy. Baby resumes crying because she wants Daddy in bed reading AND mommy out of bed. When this doesn't happen the crying turns to more sad weepy whining and reaching desperately for daddy.

Variations of this continued all morning until Daddy P finally left for work. Although I am not Mommy Dearest this morning, I've had to puff myself up a bit to get through the crying until my coffee sinks in.

And yes, after 18 months of holding out, I am now totally coffee dependent thanks to all the early early mornings spent studying.