The Reluctant Update

I haven't written much lately because I haven't wanted to.  The past few months have been awful.  Neither kid is sleeping -- and while this is not entirely new, the results have been devastating.  So, we are holding on by a thread.

Both kids have appointments with their pediatricians and ENTs in the upcoming weeks.  Jacob's doctor suggested his tonsils might be too big and that he looks exhuasted.  (yeah, we all do...)  Kate is having 1 - 3 meltdowns a day.  Most days it takes 30 minutes to get her in the car.  She is just so damn tired that she can't hold it together.  She won't/can't nap, and even though she's in bed from 7pm to 6:30am, she wakes up with big dark circles under her eyes and begins to ask for a nap by 10am.  It's both so desperately sad and infuriating at the same time.  I feel like I have an Asperger's kid all of the sudden with the number of insane sensory-related tantrums we are dealing with.  It took twenty minutes last week to get her carseat adjusted to the perfect tightness so that she'd stay in her seat buckled in.

We're surviving.  We have resources to draw on:  babysitters, daycare for Jacob, alcohol, throwing things, running, television, friends who babysit and let us cry and complain, therapy.  I'm desperately hoping the doctors will want to cut some part of my children out that will make all of this end, but that seems pretty maniacal so I try not to say that out loud.  Last summer when she had her adenoids out she went from terrible to great in a week so I'm hoping something similar can happen again.  I'm good at wishing.

We've agreed for the time being that the best approach to Kate is to treat her like a wounded animal when she flips out.  You can feel that it's beyond her control, and we know how much she doesn't want to upset us.  Holding her responsible for what's going on feels misguided and cruel.  But, it's pretty hard to comfort her when she just threw and broke a lamp.  

Our goal for this week is to prep for the doctor appointment by recording how they sleep (Jacob's talking in his sleep nightly these days and the last two nights woke 3 times each from nightmares).  We shall see... 

In the meantime, we accept care packages with chocolate and tequila.